Week 1...

Oh hi. So. We are here! In the depths of detox, somewhere on top of a rainforesty hill on Koh Samui. I will start at the beginning. This will no doubt be overdetailed and dull because my brain is mangled from fasting.
[just a note on the photos, the links don't open in a new window so you have to press back afterwards. To see all the photos you need to use the link on the left <-----]

I have lost track of what day it is but we got to Bangkok last Friday (I think it's thursday now) to our amazing hotel which is the last we're planning to see of any luxury for a while... I made a couple of cultural faux pas like tipping the bellboy 20 times too much so he stood about asking me what else I wanted him to do which was a bit embarrasing. Then we lounged about in our matching kimonos and drank G&T and then we had our fabulous dinner on the roof. Zoe had a minor episode but it was OK because she looked like she was scrutinising the menu and it didnt last very long. We had about 7 courses, each one with a different wine, and it cost a fortune . Hooray! just like london.
The next couple of days we spent looking at a lot of gold sparkly things (buddhism is very gay) which we loved, avoiding con artists, and obviously visiting dodgy bars. Our karaoke track record so far is Rick: Together in Electric Dreams (inadvertently, the reggae version) and Don't let the sun go down on me. Zoe: Green green grass of home (very good) and morbidly, goodbye to love.
Anyway, having exhausted Bangkok and its pork ball surfeit we got on a comedy overnight bus to some port. It had a missing window/flapping cardboard thing and they played the first half of Troy twice on the TV. We drank Gin. Then we had to get a boat at 7am to Koh Samui which was ace because it was sunny and we were knackered and they sold pringles and pepsi. (We thought they were going to provide us with breakfast when they put plastic placemats down in front of us but they turned out to be sick bags.)
We stayed in a lovely hut for a night on the beach then had to drag ourselves to this detox thing.

So the detox thing. Hmmm. Well the place is beautiful, on top of a hill, amongst the palms. It's a bit like jurassic park (or at least thats what I'm telling myself to keep me entertained).
The programme involves eating nothing except for "soup" (badly disguised hot water), drinking sludge made of some weird vegetable husk, taking pills, drinking wheatgrass, and of course, the nice bit, doing yoga and meditation and having massages. Actually yoga and meditation drive me bonkers so I have been having lots of massages instead. And I have nearly finished my book. The other erm "aspect" is the colonics (TWICE a DAY) which are getting a bit tedious. We are on day 3. Of 7. It is now raining. We are losing the will to live but all the other punters (/cult members) keep telling us "the only way out of it is through it". I will keep you posted. I have limited tolerance for calm, abstinence and spitituality, so I could be down the beach and eating chips and drinking pints by tomorrow....

By the way, hello everyone, we miss you all.

x